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information gets collected in our brains
to be activated during conversations.
Knowing how you project meaning into
your conversations will enable you to
connect with others and, in so doing, let
go of much of the self-talk that diverts
you from working together effectively.
By understanding how conversations
trigger different parts of the brain and
stimulate certain habits and behaviours,
you can develop and grow your C-IQ to
build healthier, more resilient organiza-tions
in the face of change.
What we think, what we say, what we
mean, what others hear and how we feel
about it afterward are key dimensions be-hind
C-IQ. Though conversations are not
simply “ask and tell” levels of discourse, we
often treat them as though they are.
HOW IT ALL FITS TOGETHER
When we are having a good conversation,
even a difficult one, we feel good
We feel connected to the other person in
a deep way and we feel we can trust him.
In good conversations, we know where we
stand with others – we feel safe.
Trust is a key descriptor of a good con-versation.
People will say, “I feel open and
trusting. I could say what was on my mind.”
Or, “I don’t have to edit anything, and I can
trust it won’t come back to hurt me.”
Conversations are the golden threads,
albeit fragile ones, that keep us connected
to others. We have hardwired systems ex-quisitely
designed to let us know where we
stand with others; based on our quick read
of a situation, our brains know whether we
should operate in a protective mode or be
open to sharing, discovery and influence.
When we are in conversation with
others, perhaps even before we open
our mouths, we size them up and deter-mine
whether we trust or distrust them;
once this happens, our brains are ready to
either open up or close down. Bad conver-sations
trigger our distrust network and
good ones trigger our trust network. Each
influences what we say, how we say it and
why we say it, and the networks even have
a heavy hand in shaping the outcomes of
each conversation.
Have extraordinary, transformational
conversations with others
C-IQ competence enables us to connect,
engage and navigate with others. It is the
single most important intelligence that
gets better when “we” do it. Our individual
capacity for C-IQ expands when we prac-tice
it with others and when we all focus on
it together. C-IQ exists as a collaborative
effort, and when we practice it together
we raise the C-IQ of relationships, and we
can also raise the C-IQ of teams and or-ganizations.
And, because C-IQ leverages
all other kinds of individual intelligenc-es,
there is neither a more powerful skill
nor a more necessary one to master. C-IQ
provides a framework and practices for the
way individuals, teams and organizations
listen, engage, architect and influence the
moment and shape the future, in all situa-tions.
When we use our C-IQ in business,
we strengthen the culture to achieve bet-ter
results.
We often communicate with others as
if we all share the same world – which
causes conflict and collisions
To become good at C-IQ, we need to
recognize that the map is not the territo-ry
and spend more time joining the two
through conversations. Our minds create
biases, blind spots and filters that pre-vent
us from seeing reality as it is. C-IQ
is about creating an ongoing dialogue with
others, to explore our maps and to stay
in touch with one another’s evolution of
thinking as we work together to achieve
shared goals. Whether you are working in
a small business or a large global company,
elevating your C-IQ will be a life-changing
experience that will not only yield business
results, it will create new energy for trans-formation
and growth. n
Judith E. Glaser is CEO of Benchmark
Communications, Inc. and chairman of The
Creating WE Institute.
feature
CONVERSATIONS ARE THE WAY WE
CONNECT, ENGAGE, NAVIGATE AND
TRANSFORM THE WORLD WITH OTHERS.
28 ❚ JULY/AUGUST 2014 ❚ HR PROFESSIONAL